Day -13: Houston, TX
I have this friend who has a deep and intimate relationship with Jesus. I honestly have a holy envy of it. She talks about Him like He's her best friend, and it's true, He is because they spend so much time together. She has shared some beautiful stories of Him being so present to her and actively working in her life. For Lent she always asks Him what He would like her to do, and I'm amazed by the ridiculousness of His reply and clear evidence that it was in fact Him who told her to do such seemingly silly things.
So inspired by her trust and with hours dwindling until Ash Wednesday, I hastily asked the Lord, "What do you want from me this Lent?" while attending Fat Tuesday mass. Immediately, "I want your heart" popped in my head.
Ok God, that's a little generic and kind of a lame response. It was probably just my sub-conscious responding. I'll try again. What do you want from me this Lent, Lord?
Really? Nothing more specific or unique? Just my heart? What does that even mean? How do I do this? I need something more tangible....
Hahaha, that's funny and really difficult. You know me...I am so not discipline and that's a big commitment. I can't do that....
...Fine...but I'm not making any promises. You know me and I'm probably gonna miss a bunch and stop going half way through Lent and feel like a failure. PLUS, I'm going to be traveling, Lord, and may not always be able to find a mass near by at a time that works.
The Lord is good and faithful. Turns out, he knew exactly what I needed, and it was exactly what he wanted to give me: a home. And what started out as an understanding that my home on the road was the Eucharist, turned into a deeper contemplation and revelation of my forever home in Christ. He is where I can depend fully on comfort and security. He is where I can lay my head and rest. He is where I belong.
My whole life I have taken great pride and joy in Houston, my neighborhood, and my ever-consistent home. "All roads lead to Houston" was my refrain to friends visiting town. Why would I ever leave? My people, my history, and my familiar is here. This is where I am from and where I belong. There isn't anything bad about this...until I begin to say "no" to dreaming because of it, until I put too much reliance on it to satisfy my needs. Comforts like home can easily turn from safety and freedom to limiting and imprisoning.
Everywhere I visited on my road trip had something enticing that made me wonder, "Could I live here?" I was only free enough to ask myself this because of the grace in re-orienting my understanding of home and unfortunately some difficult situations and wounding moments within my unhealthy reliance on what I claimed as home. Because of all this, I was able to spend 3 months discovering and dreaming and practicing openness to something new on the horizon.
Day 65: Nashville, TN
I was ready to move to Nashville within a couple days of being there. I had met beautiful people, worked out of the cutest coffee shops, and was inspired by the life, creativity, and presence of the city. So, I sat down to seriously look at my budget, potential income, and figure out a way to make it work financially. I felt defeated. Something had to happen. I couldn't move there or anywhere without finding a part-time job, taking on more management clients and being spread super thin, or just giving up on the whole thing and searching for a "real job." I resorted that day to getting some Shipt shops in to at least feel like I was putting a dent into the major income gap I was expecting over the remainder of the year. I also began intentionally praying for a way to make this work and if not that, a clear understanding of what I was supposed to do upon returning to Houston.
Day 72: Severna Park, MD
A text comes in asking "Have you made any decision for next year?....I got a lot of ideas for you to pray about...Can we chat this week?"
Day 94: Pensacola, FL
I repeat, the Lord is good and faithful. I could not have asked for a better answer to my prayer. At the end of August, I will be moving to Pensacola, FL where I will be empowered and enabled to continue Maps Management and Consulting through a stable opportunity to support an incredible family, community, and ministry. More details to come later!
Day 98: Houston, TX
I'm back in Houston ending one adventure to start another.